Spells & Tips

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Aunt Zelda’s Problem Page

Aunt Zelda’s Problem Page

Dear Zelda,

Do you know where my cat is?

Your Hopefully,
Tina Bucket

Dear Tina,

No, I do not know where your cat is.

Yours,
Zelda Heap

PS: If you keep ducks, I suggest you do a duck count. You may have one extra.

 

Dear Zelda,

I am lucky enough to own a small dragon whom I have named Derek. Derek is one of the rare smooth-skinned varieties with the really cute yellow-spotted tummies. I have had Derek for two years now, and I am worried that he is not growing. In fact, he has not grown at all since I got him. Recently, I heard that if a baby dragon is happy with its Imprintor, it will grow to the size of a small pony within a few days. Does this mean Derek is unhappy? If so, what should I do?

Yours,
Worried about Derek Deirdre Spanner

Dear Deirdre,

Derek is a Newt.

Yours,
Zelda Heap

 

Dear Ms. Heap,

Do you have a spell for cabbage rot?

Thank you,
Sam

Dear Sam,

Cabbage rot is a terrible thing, so you have my sympathy. You must act fast. Try this spell during a waning moon: Take a leaf of a dry and healthy cabbage, sprinkle it with chopped flowers of yellow marsh gorse, and put it in a warm oven. Once the leaf and flowers have become dry and bitter, crush them into tiny pieces in a small bowl. As the moon rises, go outside to your cabbages, sprinkle the contents of the bowl over them, and whisper (for cabbages do not like loud noises): Spots and Mould Release your Hold. It is easy to tell if the spell has worked, for you will see a little black cloud of rot lift off your cabbages and disappear.

Good luck and may all your cabbages be happy cabbages,
Zelda

 

Dear Ms. Heap,
What I meant was, do you have a spell to give cabbages rot? My mum makes me eat cabbage every day and I hate cabbage.

Thank you,
Sam

Dear Sam,

No, I most certainly do not have a spell to give cabbages rot; I enclose a book of cabbage recipes for your mother. I am sure you will like some of these.

 

Dear Madam Zelda Heap,
Do you have a spell for getting rid of unwanted visitors? I live on the far side of the Sheeplands, and for almost two years I have had four old wizards living in my attic. They have shown no desire to leave, saying they prefer the peace and quiet of my little cottage to being bossed about by an Extraordinary wizard. Please help.

Yours, sitting in my sheep pen to get some peace and quiet,
Celia Partridge

Dear Celia,

You have my sympathy. It is a terrible thing to have a guest outstay his or her welcome, especially a wizard. May I suggest an itchy feet spell? This will make the wizards feel restless, and they will soon depart for new pastures. After the wizards have gone to bed, take all their shoes and put them outside your front door, pointing them in the direct you wish the wizards to take. Sprinkle the shoes with some wanderdust (available from my stall at the year-and-a-day market, or at any good potions store). Bid the shoes “Farewell and safe journey” and firmly close your door. You will find that as soon as they put their shoes on and open your front door, they will start talking about all the places they have longed to visit. By midday, I guarantee you will be making up four packed lunches and waving them good-bye.

Best of luck,
Zelda Heap

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